Hermit as Feelings in Love & Relationships (Upright & Reversed)

Hermit is the card of self-reflection, solitude, introspection, and wisdom. An old man stands alone at the top of a peak, holding a lantern in one hand and his staff in the other. The Hermit shows that being alone is a necessary part of the cycle of life and relationships, because it connects us with our deeper wisdom and true self. 

The Hermit is not a traditional “love” card. It’s easy to feel scared when the Hermit comes up in a love reading. Does it mean that someone doesn’t want to be with you? Remember that there are positives and negatives to be found in every card. In love readings, the Hermit asks us to get in touch with and serve our Wise Self. In order to love others, we must first love ourselves. 

Upright Hermit as Feelings

If you are asking about how someone feels about you, and you draw the Hermit, it often means that they are currently too wrapped up in their own journey to worry about feelings. We all have experienced a time in our lives where we have needed to spend some time alone to develop insight about ourselves and connect with our own inner wisdom. This is a necessary stage before being able to be fully capable of forming a deep, romantic connection with someone else. The person in question may not be at a place right now to be in a relationship, or they may just need the space and freedom to explore and get in touch with themselves. 

Alternatively, this person feels that they need to keep their feelings hidden. They are shy, and they feel that they can’t share their deepest feelings with anyone. They feel that it is safer for them to hide in their heads or intellectualize an emotional problem. They may feel isolated and alone. Though they may deeply want a connection with someone else, they are also scared because they don’t want to feel vulnerable. 

For singles and those embarking on new relationships, the Hermit as feelings can be a sign that has some growing to do before they can fully commit to a relationship. If they are coming off fresh from another relationship or have experienced some other large life event, they may not be ready for a new relationship right now. Either way, this person needs to spend some time alone to connect with their inner self before they can move forward. If this is the case, you should not take it personally. Give them the space they need. 

For existing relationships, the Hermit can represent the need for some soul-searching in order to deepen your relationship. Your partner loves you, but is at a point in their life where they need to do some spiritual seeking. They may need to do this alone. If so, you should give them the space they need to do this. They may also want to do this soul-searching with you. If so, you will want to talk to each other about this. What does that look like for the two of you? Is it meditating together? Is it sharing your spiritual journey with each other? Or is it being honest with each other about what you expect out of a relationship, and what you both need in order to be happy? These talks can be uncomfortable, but ultimately build a stronger relationship.  

If you are asking about an old flame or an ex’s feelings about you, the Hermit indicates that they appreciate what your relationship has taught them, but they need time and space to do their own soul-searching right now. They are preoccupied with finding themselves and understanding what it is they need to do in order to connect with their deeper self to grow. Reconciliation is not on their mind, simply because other people are not on their mind right now. 

In the context of whether or not a relationship is headed for commitment, engagement, or marriage, Hermit as feelings indicates that they need to do their own soul-seeking and grow as a person first before they can commit. It is not a no, but it does require patience on your end. This person needs to fulfill their own spiritual journey. It can mean that they need space. Alternatively, if they wish to invite you on that journey with them, it requires soul-searching from the both of you to effectively communicate your needs. 

Reversed Hermit as Feelings

When the Hermit is reversed, it indicates feeling lonely, distant, and disconnected. Unlike the upright Hermit which represents healthy self-reflection, the reversed Hermit takes this to an extreme. Instead of reflection as a choice, the person may feel that their loneliness and distance has been imposed on them. If they feel distant from you and disconnected from your relationship, ask yourself how each of you have contributed to this dynamic. Can you extend a hand to feel connected again?

The Hermit reversed is also a sign of feeling lost and being afraid of intimate connection. They could have taken a period of self-reflection too far, to the point of isolating themselves from everyone else around them. Though their intentions may have been noble, they are now stuck in a world of their own making, feeling alone and trapped. They do not know how to move forward, because it is easier to isolate than to risk emotional vulnerability through connection.

On another note, the Hermit reversed is a sign of depression and feeling stagnant in life. Perhaps this person may want and need time alone, but the idea of asking for this is daunting and overwhelming. This person has difficulty communicating their needs and asking for what they want. 

For singles and those in new relationships, the Hermit reversed as feelings is a sign of lack of connection. This person feels disconnected from you in some way, and it often has nothing to do with you. They could be afraid of being vulnerable, which makes it impossible to have an intimate connection with anyone. They could be depressed and have difficulty communicating their needs to move forward. On the other hand, if you search within yourself and see that you have contributed to them feeling disconnected from you, ask yourself what you need to change in order to move forward. 

For those in committed relationships, the Hermit reversed is a sign of feeling disconnected. Although they feel disconnected from you, they are also afraid to bring it up. Perhaps they hope that by saying nothing, it will go away. Disconnection is not necessarily bad–it is a natural part of the cycle of relationships. It is how we address the disconnection that shows the strength of a relationship. Find ways to give your partner the space they need, and encourage them to have honest conversations, even if they are difficult. By doing this, your relationship can only grow stronger. 

If you are asking about an ex’s feelings about you, the Hermit reversed means that they feel disconnected and lonely without you. They have gone through a period of soul-searching. They have found it difficult to be alone, and they are almost at the end of their tunnel of isolation. They may be willing to explore a reconnection in the near future. 

In the context of whether or not a relationship is headed for commitment, engagement, or marriage, the Hermit reversed indicates a maybe. They feel a need for self-reflection but have difficulty asking for space. Despite the relationship’s challenges, they do not want to be apart from you. You must figure out where this comes from–is it truly because they love you, or is it because they are afraid to be alone? Either way, give them the space they need and encourage them to have an honest conversation, even if it is difficult. Only then can the relationship strengthen and move forward. 

Conclusion

For relationships and feelings, Hermit reveals our inner wisdom and the strength of our bond with our Self. In order to love others, we must first love ourselves. It shows that codependency is not love. If we are not careful, closeness can become toxic suffocation. The space for individual growth is necessary for a healthy relationship. If you lean into the wisdom of the Hermit, your relationships will become stronger, more confident, and more fulfilled.

If you find yourself needing further clarity in your relationship matters that go beyond reading for yourself, Sibyl offers unlimited tarot readings on love & relationships, as a neutral and objective third party.